You guys, we are more than halfway through April.

Remember how long the first half of March took? We weren’t even isolated then! Now we’re just breezing through April with a quickness, getting to know our neighbors for better or for worse and finding all the most and least comfortable places to get work done in our houses.

It goddamn snowed this week and you’re still out here checking emails? LOOK AT YOU GO.

Hell yes we’re writing this in loungewear, and no, this robe doesn’t get washed that often. And you know what we think about that? Nothing, we truly do not think about it! There are so many things to think about right now that continuing to breathe and periodically eat takes an effort. Anything you’re doing above and beyond that? It’s magnificent, a true testament to your character. Future generations will talk about you in hushed tones. And honestly? We get to age into true blue weirdos like Depression-era adults and no one gets to say shit. “Oh, she likes to silently count the Skittles before she eats them? Well, you know, she lived through The Great Alone Times and watched the market collapse twice before she could even think about retirement, so you let her do you.”

If you want to know what’s happening with businesses around the city, read on. And if you’re like “No thanks, I’m full up on ‘news’ this week,” yes, it is too much! Take this time to stare at a wall and track it as professional development. Watch this GIF for three hours and say you’re practicing wellbeing. It’s Friday and you’ve made it through another week. We are proud of you no matter what.

You know who we’re not proud of? Every business that’s “furloughing” workers in an effort to keep them in an unpaid limbo. We are familiar with “You’re great, I’m just not ready for a relationship right now. Can we still hang out?” That shit does not pay off in the end.

For Groupon and Best Buy, the coronavirus is probably serving as a nice little cover-up for cutting 2,800 jobs and furloughing the sales staff in Groupon’s case and furloughing 51,000 store employees in Best Buy’s. It’s not that they didn’t have a business model! It’s just that the virus really destabilized their thriving enterprises! We look forward to the articles a year from now saying Quibi would have been a success if the timing had been different.

Boeing, meanwhile, is thinking about laying off 10% of its staff. Love to really sit with a decision, you know? Hang that sword over people’s heads and make sure it looks just right.

Navistar, meanwhile, is deferring pay for all its non-union employees. Yeah, no, you hold onto that for me, I’m sure it’ll be safer in your hands!

Ulta is furloughing “many” of the employees from its 1,200 stores and salons and putting off plans for an expansion into Canada. And while we are disappointed, CEO Mary Dillon is also giving up her salary for the time being, like a true leader. We’ll just be over here waiting for all the other CEOs to do the same.

Other businesses are just trying to find a way forward. Expect some big mergers to break down, like Molina Health buying out Medicaid managed care provider NextLevel, and others to move through quick, like insurance broker Marsh acquiring Schaumburg-based broker Assurance and using it to set up a Midwest headquarters. There will even be terminally optimistic bros using this time to launch whole new companies, which you can absolutely do if your company is a cryptocurrency accelerator, because that is a meaningless combination of words.

We’d also like to spare a thought for the grads, who don’t get to finish out senior year, don’t get to graduate, don’t get to party and really do have to return to their parents basements, job or no. If you graduated sometime around, oh, the last recession, you’ll remember the scramble to get anything approaching a paid internship, let alone actual employment.

Jobs, Glorious Jobs
BuiltIn put together a list of 50 tech companies hiring for remote jobs, including some names you may know like Nerdwallet, Noom, Webflow, Girlboss* and Candid (off-brand Invisalign).

And here are some brand-new full-time jobs based in Chicago, though not sure why more companies aren’t specifying remote flex. Bet it’ll be a “perk” soon 👍

Sort those LinkedIn Jobs by most recent if you feel up for a look.

Campaign Manager at Vevo
This line from the post: “If you believe Bono that ‘music can change the world because it can change people,’ then you recognize the power of music.” Do with that what you will.
Disaster Program Manager at the American Red Cross
Implement disaster programs including volunteer recruitment and training.
Digital Marketing Manager (Contract) at Citizens United for Research in Epilepsy
SEO, SEM, reporting, oversee and evaluate an apparent mobile app (“evaluate” is key). Potential for full time.
Graphic Designer & Social Content Creator at 4 Star Restaurant Group (Smoke Daddy, D.O.C Wine Bar, Frasca)
Not sure how fast they’re looking to fill this one, but hey, just posted today.
Editor at Crate & Barrel (Northbrook)
Continuing our tradition of posting C&B jobs because in our mind it’s just gotta be a cool place to work, right? Dunno, but there are a lot of unemployed/underemployed journalists out there who’d slay this one.
Vice President of Communications & Marketing at the Chicagoland Chamber of Commerce.
Thoughts and prayers.

A reminder that Do312 has a pretty comprehensive list of who’s hiring in Chicago right now, particularly if you or a friend are looking for temp or part-time work.

Inspiration of the week

“I want to talk about ‘hustle culture,’ which I am partially responsible for creating. … For some of us, just staying inside is enough. For some of us, staying inside is hard ’cause we need to get things. Staying healthy is hard. Some of us have compromised immune systems. Some of us have sick family members. Some of us are applying for unemployment. Some of us have companies that are falling apart right now. And the pressure to be productive ... not everyone can turn lemons into lemonade right now.”

*the Girlboss, founder and CEO Sophia Amoruso. (That Glossier hoodie is still out of stock, by the way.)

Forward this email to anyone who’s looking at a pile of lemons. We can’t help them make lemonade, but they can sign up here for a little sugar.

Got a tip on an excellent job? Reply to this email, send us a new one at hey@gethustl.in, or reach out on Twitter.

It’s just a bit sour 🍋

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