Take the tech bros bowling 🎳
But never start feeling sorry for billionaires
Wraparound sunglasses ✔️
Gambling apps ✔️
Bill Belichick’s girlfriend ✔️
Madras shorts ✔️
4chan (still) ✔️
The late careers of Kanye West and Drake ✔️
Think of what we would have been spared if men had honest friends. But while the second-hand embarrassment is bad (immense, really), that won’t be what kills us. We’ll die because of the ways these men will warp the world just to LARP human friendship.
All his life, Mark Zuckerberg has been a wounded little boy trying to operate the chassis of a grown man. So it should come as no surprise that he believes the “demand” 🚩 for friends outstrips the supply 🚩🚩 and requires AI chatbots 🚩🚩🚩 to fill the gap — all of which he said publicly on a podcast 🚩x10.
Power through the reflex to give the guy a hug though, as this was after his AI chatbots had already impersonated therapists and used John Cena’s voice to groom kids.
Sorry John Cena, but we really can’t see you the same anymore.
That’s all dark as night, but it’s positively comedy next to the tragedy of Marc Andreessen's group chats. For what is the only thing more pathetic than using Clubhouse? Texting a bunch of equally delusional strangers in an attempt to replicate the experience. Unable to pop up as a corporate keynote speaker or require employees to return to office just to listen to him, Marc gathered all the other money-addled men he knew into group chats, likening himself to the dissidents who hand-copied and distributed newsletters to avoid Soviet censorship.
You know, because the men responsible for the collective movement of billions of dollars can only exercise power from under ground.
The result has been what Marc calls a “national vibe shift.” And while I would love to credit these men with shifting nothing more than hairlines, the evidence points to the collective psychosis of our oligarchs, pundits and political elites developing under names like “Free Speakerz” and “🤐Unsilenced 🚫.”
This free (private) exchange (volley) of ideas (delusions) is giving these men the one thing they want more than money — a sense of righteous belonging. Would they have taken to fiddling in politics if they had just one bro around to flick them in the balls and tell them to chill? We’ll never know. But when Elon Musk looks back on the first 100 days of DOGE, you can bet it won’t be the gutted worker protections or unspeakable grifts that warm his heart, but the ice cream-fueled sleepovers he had along the way.
Sadly, the most obvious solution isn’t available — no normal dude can look at these losers without wanting to shove them in a locker. All we can do is bully them so completely even their fake friends can’t soothe the burn.
Links to Send Your Boss
While they may hiss and scratch at each other in the private group chat, the power and the people who want it will always stick together at the expense of everyone else. See Reddit’s CEO agreeing to remove anti-Elon content and OpenAI floating interest in buying the new startup from Jony Ive and Sam Altman, leader of OpenAI. Think of it less like an ouroboros and more like a human centipede.
“The business mindset is a religion for them. And the money is just a proxy metric for how valid they are as people.” A great quote to help you understand tech’s heel turn. It’s not about the money. It’s about the validation.
How “AI-first” is becoming the new “return to office” — a desperate cry from a wounded managerial class.
In the first ever instance of Restoration Hardware being relatable, the brand’s CEO let out a live “Oh shit!” after checking his post-tariff stock price on an earnings call. Did you know anyone can join an earnings call and raise their hand to ask a question?
A new study looking at seven years of project labor agreements — which allow unions to negotiate for wages and workers’ rights before construction starts — actually lower the costs to taxpayers. Turns out when you use highly trained professionals and treat them well, the work gets done better and quicker.
This month, OpenAI is making the paid tier of ChatGPT free to any U.S. college student. Sort of like training the cashiers to work the self-checkout, no?
Related, now that universities can no longer profit from the name, image and likeness rights of student athletes, they’re pushing TikTok training to reap the benefits of having influencers on campus.
Bill Gates does have an offer for the young people though: Launch an AI startup. “Today, somebody could raise billions of dollars for a new AI company [that’s just] a few sketch ideas.” Yes, Bill. That’s the problem.
Perhaps a better bit of inspiration: Magpies and crows are stealing anti-bird spikes and using them to make nests. Use their weapons against them. Remain ungovernable.
One To Watch
Cole Escola on man’s greatest fear
One To Read
“I’m not ‘depressed,’ she said. Besides, I hate that word.
OK, what should we call it?
She fluffed the pillow behind her back, indignant.
I’m very faithful to my problems.”
—Amity Gaige, Sea Wife